dating edge: wearing a purple hat "backwards"

Dating Edge: Wearing a purple hat "backwards"

I may be reading the trends wrong, but, as of lately, it seems that being "different" is the new trend. This is what gives us the edge in showing the world around us that we are unique. In fact, by "wearing a purple hat 'bacwards,'" while everyone else is conforming, a new identity is born - thus they are different and unique.

Don't get me wrong, I am for different - it's good in general. People should be able to express themselves in unique ways, because face it, we are all unique. But what bothers me about this trend is that there are people who seem to be soo caught up in trying to be different, that they actually leave what is unique about them and begin to conform to "wearing a purple hat 'backwards.'" Does this make any sense?

Dating can become competitive, no, in fact, it is competitive, many of us are scurrying about finding the one that best compliments who we are. I think that saying 'many of us' is a bit shy of the total. I'll try again. The entire human race is scurrying about looking for their mate (I don't know if you have realized this but that's a lot of people).

(Random fact: Did you know that every 1 out of 5 people is Chinese? On a global scale, statistically, the Chinese are our biggest competition.)

In the world of dating we are all putting our best foot forward; we are looking for our edge. This dating edge gives us an advantage over the competition, or so it should. People want to stand out, look different, think different, and just over all be different from the masses. They begin wearing a purple hat backwards.

At first this works and they gain more attention from whomever. But this new trend will just last for a moment, and because it's a trend, the new 'uniqueness' about you will soon fade into an "everybody's doing it now...and their mom" kind of thing. However, it's not only that, but even more un-understandable, is when they push their dating edge of wearing a purple hat backwards too far.

The other day I stood back and glanced over a girl who was wearing neon pink stockings with a large diamond black mesh over it, a short yellow skirt, and a very "unique" black top that looked like the edges of the sleeves and bottom of the shirt was mauled by ninety starving wolverines, with her friends, flirting with this guy. Did I mention that she was wearing a purple hat "backwards"? Seriously!

I could be wrong about her conforming to being different, but it made me wonder: At times, do we try so hard to be different, while in that process of having an edge over the competition, that we actually lose our true uniqueness in the process?

It's something to think about, being true to who you are, there is nothing wrong with asking yourself "why do I do this?", or "why do I do that?". Are you trying too hard to be unique, or is wearing a purple hat "backwards" truly apart of who you are?

A very long way to say be yourself and don't over try being unique,

Ikaika Mossman

Our Memories Affect Us

Our Memories Affect Us

Whenever I have an emotional attachment to something, someone, or a particular event, it is always easy for me to recall – “like it happened yesterday.” For instance, I can recall every girlfriend I’ve had since elementary. During my “cleaning binges” I’ll often find myself caught up in a string of past memories from looking at one object (which is why my apartment is still a mess). However I can’t recall the names of most of my teachers, and certainly not my professors – this is sad, being that it was more recent.

The human brain is an amazing system. Did you know that one human brain generates more electrical impulses in a single day than all of the world's telephones put together?

Our brain, creating memories, helps us to retain important information – for school, work, laws that need to be followed, and your anniversary date, or girlfriends birthday (sadly, in one relationship, it took me several years to finally remember my girlfriends birth date...can’t blame her for being mad at me for that one). Though a lot of what we remember is good, there are often memories that can hurt us, break us, and even affect our relationships in a negative way.

The memory itself doesn’t hurt us, but the way that the memory is remembered can. If you’ve read my testimony devotion on my other site, then you would know that I had been broken down and defeated by my past – by the way I viewed specific memories.

Within the last two years, this had occurred to me. It started with the loss of a relationship. My mistakes began to decay my very foundation of life and these memories ripped the life out of me. By the way I treated this person, by taking her for granted; my past began to eat away at me. When I knew that it was most certainly over, when she absolutely decided she would never take me back, the pain shot in – like getting bamboo shoots shoved up your finger nails. Instead of committing and training to see these memories as a lesson to be had, as being that it was a special relationship I would always treasure – keeping my thoughts to the good times and learning from the bad times – I only saw the bad. Alcohol had then become my answer and the result of allowing my past to swallow me whole.

My life went downhill fast, in fact, saying that I dived off a cliff would be more appropriate. So what should we do to avoid these cliffs and not become “memory cliff divers”?

Mistakes will always be a part of our lives, we make them. People do come and go in our lives, whether because of choices we make, circumstances, or because death got hold of them. We will survive well, and cut back much pain, if we learn to train the way we view our memories positively. Not only are we what we eat, but also, we are what we think. Instead of seeing the bad in a relationship, both past and present, see the good. We can apply this to all memories, both present and the far, far, past. This is one reason why many people will go through many partners and love relationships, because they began to only see the hurt and pain the other person caused. So don’t only learn to view things in a positive light, but also learn how to forgive and not count their mistake against them.

Adjust the way you view your memories and you will adjust the amount and level of pain those memories bring you. This will not just help you personally, but will also change your relationships with the people who surround you. Be a problem solver by facing them with courage head-on.

Don’t be afraid to learn and change who you are,

Ikaika Mossman

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Butterflies and Smiles

Butterflies and Smiles

Do you ever wonder what causes someone to admire, fall “in-love,” or fall head over heels for another person? Or why after spending such a brief amount of time with a particular individual, it becomes almost impossible to not think about them? Is it their looks, the way they treat you, their personality, or unseen matching chemical balance? Whatever it may be for you, the two results that we undeniably share are butterflies and smiles.

Close your eyes, still your heart, picture the persons face...butterflies and smiles, butterflies and smiles. It can’t be helped that the feeling of butterflies occurs, or in that warm blissful moment a lingering smile takes shape and forms. Thinking about the person’s smile brings an instant sense of peace; helps put your day at ease. Beauty, a work of art that was carefully prepared by the maker himself, that is like the unfolding of a butterfly - from the cocoon to the splendor of all they were meant to be. As time goes on she continues to dazzle and bloom, like a flower that will never wilt or lose its wonder. Such thoughts bring about feelings of butterflies and smiles.

Words seem to lose its usefulness, and most certainly, does not seem to grasp the entirety of “butterflies and smiles.” In fact, our language actually shows its limitations when we attempt to describe what it is, or what it is not. Does this make words useless or less important? Certainly not, words are a great way to express yourself, communication is key, but it works best with accompanying actions. In the same way that faith works best with works, so does words work best with actions (really, it’s just about the same thing).

When you have “butterflies and smiles” for someone don’t lose it. To care so much, to be able to look past all faults, to desire the best for the person, to see only the beauty, this is precious, and this is what “butterflies and smiles” should be. As time ticks away, we will unwittingly begin to hold on to the wrongs, the hurts, and it will eat away at the love that was once there. Love will turn into grudges and eventually distaste, or even hate, because we forgot to forgive – to let go and move past a hurtful incident and recon ciliate. What was once beautiful becomes overgrown with weeds of distrust and spite, turning this breath taking garden into the neighbor’s unkempt lawn.

If you have lost your “butterflies and smiles” for the one you’re with, especially if you are married, it is time to get out the weed whacker. It is time to do some gardening and pull out the roots of distrust and unforgiveness. And if for some reason you are not able to do this, hopefully not just because you don’t want to put in the effort, then perhaps it is time to end a dragging relationship. It would be my suggestion that first you would remember what it was about the person you’re with that once gave you feelings of butterflies, and soft smiles on your face.

Let go of the past, worry not about the future, but enjoy the present, for certainly it is just that...a “present.” Thank you for giving me butterflies and smiles.

Learning each day,

Ikaika Mossman

When the Timing is Wrong

Have...Have you ever felt like you found someone you could really enjoy being with, but it was the wrong timing? Or perhaps, like an illusion, it stirs your heart to action, even if you are not sure if it's real or not. Confusion is the result of most illusions, so should we be confused, or should we find out if the illusion is real? Would it be right?

The aches of such timing can eat away at the heart if not dealt properly, it has been known to cause individuals to do the oddest and even the most dumbest of things. Your mind and heart struggle at what should be done...so what should be done? Do we act on our emotions, or do we do what is right and honorable?

Seeing that life is about the choices we make regarding the decisions that come our way, the best thing to do, though you may not “feel” like it, is to be integrous, or have integrity. Do what is right, even though the attraction may be strong (perhaps it is easier for her than it is for you).

There is a story in the Bible that reminds me of such “wonderfully awesome” feelings between a couple that fell for each other at the wrong time. The first was the greatest of Kings of the Israelites, King David. And the other a beautiful and breath taking women named Bathsheba - kind of like someone I know.

Kind David was a great and God fearing man, who is known for being a man after God’s own heart. But when he saw Bathsheba in all her wonders, he desired to be with her, and most likely she with him. The problem, however, was that she was already taken – married, to one of the officers in King David’s Army.

They could have left it at an attraction, or even just being friends, but they took it too far and slept with each other. It was wrong and King David and she knew it. In fact, King David got her pregnant. I won’t get into the rest of the story between them, but I will say that this act of betrayal led to murder.

When you find yourself in this situation, keep your heart still, and stay away from the person if you absolutely cannot control yourself. If you are able to, if you desire to be friends, then keep it that way. Perhaps if Kind David waited, things would have worked out later, but because of their impatience, death was the only result. Just like you and I, when we stumble upon these times, be patient and wait to see how things play out. If it were meant to be, then the two of you will have that chance to be happy together. If not, then at least a friendship and knowing that you are loved, even as a friend, or even at a distance, would have come out of this situation.

Be strong and love the one you’re with, but if you can’t then perhaps it is time to move on...

Making it through when the timing is wrong,

Ikaika Mossman