Forgive and Forget

In my last post I spoke about the how and why to forgive, but I didn't step on the topic of forgetting. It is a cliche no doubt "forgive and forget," but how many of us actually believe it, or follow it? It's hard enough to forgive, so how do we forget, or why should we in the first place?

Let me start off by saying we are all human, we've all made mistakes and unwise decisions. Some of the deepest wounds we have all faced and endured through certainly has not been forgotten. I don't care if it happened ten, fifteen, or twenty five years ago; we are human, naturally we don't forget...and if you are apart of the few who have, good for you!

Why should you forget, or even, should you forget? Yes and no would be my answer. Let me explain why.

I'll start off with why we shouldn't forget. The reason I say this is because we shouldn't be push overs, or so gullible to continue to get hurt by the same stupid things over and over. Don't forget the signs that led to how others have hurt you, but instead use it as a lesson. When you have been betrayed or hurt by either someone you don't know, or someone you loved, remember so that when and if the signs show up again, you'll be better prepared to deal with it before it happens.

Not forgetting an incident allows you to protect your heart from future acts of selfishness and stupidity from others. Though don't become paranoid at every sign from every guy or girl that seems to be sending them your way, you'll just be labeled as paranoid and crazy - not the good crazy either (and yes there is a good crazy).

If you've ever been in a car accident then you'll know what I'm talking about. Better yet, if you've been pulled over by a cop you would know too. What am I talking about? What happens right after you get pulled over and the cops let's you go with or without a ticket? You all of a sudden become super aware of your surroundings. Your eyes are always scanning the area for cops, constantly looking in the rear-view mirror like you are being followed.

The same thing should be true when we get hurt. Our hearts should now be on guard, making sure that the same thing we have just gone through won't happen again. Call if fight or flight if you will, but that is why we shouldn't forget...for your protection.

That was why we shouldn't forget, now for why we should. And the reason why we should is the same reason of the "why" and "how to forgive."
However, there is one more reason why we should forget. When I say forget, or forgetting, I don't necessarily mean that it has to be blocked out of your memory completely. I will say that if you forgive someone the forgetting part lies on you not bringing up the past. Truly I believe this is what it means to forgive and forget. To be able to move past anger and bitterness into peace, or at least a sense of it. And you can't have peace when you are holding in a grudge, or boiling over a past event.

Remember that forgiving and forgetting does not nullify what the other person has done. It does not mean you have to trust the person fully ever again too. In fact, just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that you have to even be friends with them, or like them. Forgiveness is about you, the person who's been hurt, it's about your healing, about your heart. So when you are in a relationship and the other person hurts you, whether minor or titanic, if the both of you want to make something out of the relationship forgiveness is going to be a key ingredient. Being able to move on without bringing up the past, not holding a grudge, will make the relationship work a hundred times better than it would if you just continued on with a grudge.

Forgive and Forget

Do not forget in such a way that it helps you to protect your heart, but also forget in a way in which it does not hinder important relationships that you have. Remember, life is about relationships. It is my wish that those who read this will put into practice forgiving and forgetting.

God bless,

Ikaika Mossman