Forgive and Forget

In my last post I spoke about the how and why to forgive, but I didn't step on the topic of forgetting. It is a cliche no doubt "forgive and forget," but how many of us actually believe it, or follow it? It's hard enough to forgive, so how do we forget, or why should we in the first place?

Let me start off by saying we are all human, we've all made mistakes and unwise decisions. Some of the deepest wounds we have all faced and endured through certainly has not been forgotten. I don't care if it happened ten, fifteen, or twenty five years ago; we are human, naturally we don't forget...and if you are apart of the few who have, good for you!

Why should you forget, or even, should you forget? Yes and no would be my answer. Let me explain why.

I'll start off with why we shouldn't forget. The reason I say this is because we shouldn't be push overs, or so gullible to continue to get hurt by the same stupid things over and over. Don't forget the signs that led to how others have hurt you, but instead use it as a lesson. When you have been betrayed or hurt by either someone you don't know, or someone you loved, remember so that when and if the signs show up again, you'll be better prepared to deal with it before it happens.

Not forgetting an incident allows you to protect your heart from future acts of selfishness and stupidity from others. Though don't become paranoid at every sign from every guy or girl that seems to be sending them your way, you'll just be labeled as paranoid and crazy - not the good crazy either (and yes there is a good crazy).

If you've ever been in a car accident then you'll know what I'm talking about. Better yet, if you've been pulled over by a cop you would know too. What am I talking about? What happens right after you get pulled over and the cops let's you go with or without a ticket? You all of a sudden become super aware of your surroundings. Your eyes are always scanning the area for cops, constantly looking in the rear-view mirror like you are being followed.

The same thing should be true when we get hurt. Our hearts should now be on guard, making sure that the same thing we have just gone through won't happen again. Call if fight or flight if you will, but that is why we shouldn't forget...for your protection.

That was why we shouldn't forget, now for why we should. And the reason why we should is the same reason of the "why" and "how to forgive."
However, there is one more reason why we should forget. When I say forget, or forgetting, I don't necessarily mean that it has to be blocked out of your memory completely. I will say that if you forgive someone the forgetting part lies on you not bringing up the past. Truly I believe this is what it means to forgive and forget. To be able to move past anger and bitterness into peace, or at least a sense of it. And you can't have peace when you are holding in a grudge, or boiling over a past event.

Remember that forgiving and forgetting does not nullify what the other person has done. It does not mean you have to trust the person fully ever again too. In fact, just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that you have to even be friends with them, or like them. Forgiveness is about you, the person who's been hurt, it's about your healing, about your heart. So when you are in a relationship and the other person hurts you, whether minor or titanic, if the both of you want to make something out of the relationship forgiveness is going to be a key ingredient. Being able to move on without bringing up the past, not holding a grudge, will make the relationship work a hundred times better than it would if you just continued on with a grudge.

Forgive and Forget

Do not forget in such a way that it helps you to protect your heart, but also forget in a way in which it does not hinder important relationships that you have. Remember, life is about relationships. It is my wish that those who read this will put into practice forgiving and forgetting.

God bless,

Ikaika Mossman

How to Forgive

Forgiveness is not an easy decision or act to show towards another, especially when it hurts so much. People wonder, and I've often wondered myself "How can I forgive?" Especially, how can I forgive when I hate the person everytime I see them or think of them? How can I forgive them after what that person has done to me, or to my family?

When the pain is great and the wound is deep, it makes it that much more difficult to allow the healing to take place. Oddly though, forgiveness is the key for the healing to take place. Think about it for just a moment. When you get hurt and need stitches, what is the first thing you do? You take care of it. Go see a doctor right? What would happen if you were at work, needed stitches, but continued working without at least cleaning it up and protecting it with a band-aid, or duck-tape? It would just get worse, and pretty soon you'd have gangrene or get beaten up by a gang of green people...that's pretty serious.

As much as you may dislike, hate, and fester with boils at the thought of the retard, he/she is still just a human being. Retarded people need help...that's why we have clinics and psychiatrists for them, right? In all seriousness, we need to forgive so we can heal, so we can move on and enjoy this life that was given to us. Holding in unforgiveness is like poison to our bodies, it is us continuing to poke at our wounds and making it hurt when what we really need is for it to be healed. Wounds will not heal in this condition.

So how do you forgive? I said it was not easy, and I certainly meant it. It's a choice, the choice to choose that it is not worth holding in the pain of the events that took place. That it is far better to let go and not let the incident of the painful past continue to keep you down. Why allow the past, that person's stupid act, to continue to hurt you? Why give him more time than he's already taken?

Now this is the how to forgive...that it is a choice to let go of the past. However, I did not say anything about forgetting. That will be tomorrows post. Today I just wanted to let you know that you are more than worth getting over what the person has done to you, you deserve better than having past events continue to hurt you and pin you. Forgiveness is the key for your healing, not his/hers.

The "How to forgive", it is not easy, but it is necessary for healing. Your healing, I can't stress that enough, because forgiveness will begin to release you from your pain. It is your bandage, the neosporin, and the natural healing process all in one.

Tomorrow I'll talk about the "forgetting" part that often follows the catch phrase "forgive and forget." Hope you at least now have the why and how in forgiving others, whether you are dating, married, or in any other relational situation - heck even if its a stranger. The why and how still remains the same.

Take care,

Ikaika Mossman

True Love

True love...

What is true love? Is it something that exists just in the hearts and minds of those who with lofty hearts and optimistic views? What about finding such a person, is there just one out there for you who fits your personality, who can love you for you without ulterior motives and desires?

For anyone who has thought that they found the "love" of their life and then had their heart torn asunder, the answer is usually a hesitant yes, or a complete no. I've been down that path, and yet here I am, still believing in true love. Perhaps though my view and perspective on true love is different from the usual thoughts, and this is why I can say that.

Well, to start we should probably define what love is? How do you view love? Is it the feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you finally get to meet the girl you've only known from afar? Is it being held by the man who holds your heart ever so gently?

Webster defines love as this:

1 a (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

People love love, that's why they write about it, sing songs professing it, create poems, and engage in "chick-flicks" with their girlfriends and boyfriends. It's pretty popular, and simply put it is good - love that is.

Love is the choices we make that show others patience, forgiveness, that gives others feelings of joy and happiness, it is putting others before yourself. More than feelings, it is the choices that create good.

With that said, is there such thing as true love?

Yes, truly I believe that there is. Why? Because it exists when we choose for it to exist. Love is a choice. There are different degrees of love: Love for friends, love for family, co-workers, and the person you've chosen to be committed to. To have true love, to truly love, you have to makes the choices that will make that kind of love possible. Love doesn't just happen, it is based on the choices we make, and the choices that others make.

Hopefully by saying all of this it is easy to recognize that there is more than just one person out there who could be your true love. Seriously, if there was only just one person out there in the world who could love you for you, then it would just take one "wrong couple" to mess up the entire world. Yeah, I don't think so.

Well, that'll be all for now. Hope you learn how to make the choices necessary for true love to exist in your life, for the one you truly love...whenever they are and whenever you meet.

for true love,

Ika