Sunday, January 24, 2010

Breaking up is hard to do

As I have said time and time again, "Life is about relationships."  There is no way to get around it, it's a part of life, a part of what it means to be a human, and a part of what it means to live life to its fullest.  Over are lifetime we will make and grow many relationships.  From our best friend we meet in elementary that becomes a life long friend, to our first "puppy love" girlfriend, or boyfriend, as a child, and with teachers, pastors, co-workers, the one we marry and spend our life with, and with our family and even with God.

Unfortunately not all the relationships that we make will last.  For numerous reasons our relationships with others will part ways, and none of those reasons are really happy ones, or they are at least a mixture of sadness and happiness (like when your child leaves the home to pursue a degree in college).  What probably is the most heart wrenching way for a relationship to end is, in my opinion, breaking up with someone you've invested time into and death.

Breaking up is not easy to do, whether through a loss of a life - where neither of you have a choice, or because someone gave up and decided to cut their losses - where there was at least some choice on each others part.

There is nothing that we can really do about death, it's a part of life and cannot be helped, though it can be prolonged by making healthy choices - with food, not doing drugs, exercise, and spiritual choices - going to church, having a relationship with God.  But while we are still alive and breathing there is a choice to take care and healthily grow and strengthen our relationships so that the only thing that may temporarily break it is death itself.

As pain staking it is to feel betrayed by a break-up, or a divorce, remember that what hopefully brought you to a point of giving your hearts to each other was love.  Now in your current relationship, or in your next one, be sure to hold on to that love and remember it as he or she makes mistakes.  Let your love, not your anger, guide your decisions in that relationship (especially if you have a relationship with God; he asks that we be forgiving and patient with each other, forgiving of each others faults).  Let go of the "I'm right, she's wrong", or "he's wrong" malady and cancer, because if not you begin to build resentment towards each other, a history of wrongs, and the healing process just because a band-aid over a festering wound, rather that correctly treating the wound with disinfectant.  Yes a scar is there, and you will remember it, but it no longer has to hurt or become a stopping point in your relationship.

So remember, whether you are dating, in a relationship, or married, to hold on to your love for each other and communicate how you are each feeling in the relationship.  Don't just assume that things are ok, or that they will be ok "somehow."  It doesn't work that way, relationships take work and communication on both sides - whether you are the one who's always forgiving, or finding yourself falling on your face.  Love one another and we can keep heart breaks down to a minimum.

Here's something to think about:

We already have death to contend with in breaking relationships, and life is so short, so why would we want to make life even more painful by not loving each other and allowing relationships to break because you just chose to give up.

Live well and grow your relationships by communicating, being loving, and being forgiving of each others relationships.