Dating: Argument leads to Disaster

A buddy of mine, whom I'll call Oyster Shot, just found out some pretty hairy news the other night...

He and his girlfriend has been together for the last five years or so and they have five kids (lol...one for every year together). Their relationship has been well over the years, of course as in any dating relationship, they have their ups and downs. You know the argument here, an argument there, and the make ups and love hugs in between, etc.

As I go in to see him, having lunch at the place he works, he tells me and my friend the current events, though it's more like current distress, of his life.

His girlfriend, pretty much wife, of their five kids got a little worse for wear at a bar with a guy who wasn't him...ouch, to make matters worse, this "Man" takes her home - his home (talk about taking advantage). So were talking and fills us in on a little more details, of course it's just his side, but in no real way was he in the wrong for what had happened.

They're not really talking now, because he's deciding what to do next, but wow...this in a way started just from an argument.

I feel really bad for my friend, because it's a hell of a thing to be betrayed like that by somebody you love, care for, and have plans to spend the rest of your life with. It rips at the heart, makes one often feel that life is no longer worth living - but that's just a feeling of course, not something to act upon.

I've been in arguments before, heck we all have. I don't think it's healthy to be in a relationship where you never argue or get into disagreements in at least once in awhile. But it's not something where you should leave the situation to just make matters worse.

When your with someone, whether dating, boyfriend, girlfriend, or married to, you don't try to get them back. Revenge normally will just lead to disaster for any relationship. Honestly, I wouldn't even call that revenge, because arguments are just two people who don't see eye to eye on a particular subject and get angry about it, or often in my case it would be because I was a little blind to see something and ended up hurting the other persons feelings because of it...so I guess that would be more like ignorance.

When you get into an "altercation" don't shove your view down his or her mouth. Remember that the relationship is a place of security for both of you, not a place to beat each other up and abuse (easier said then done at times, I know).

If it gets bad enough, where your not getting anywhere, just step back for a bit. Try a little harder to see their point. Often we won't see their point at first for the simple fact that were not open to what they have to say, you're just stuck on the "I'm right no matter what that ***** has to say" mode. If either of you get stuck there, it's time to end the conversation and take a breather. Go for a walk, talk to some honest and trustworthy friends, heck get a drink with a good friend if you absolutely must (not of the opposite sex if it can be helped...and don't have more than two drinks). I don't recommend the drinking part when your mad though, nothing good ever comes out of drinking while angry.

In my friends case, his girlfriend went to drink with a "friend," and that just led to complete disaster.

Be wise and thoughtful in the decisions you make. They'll either lead to a healthy lasting relationship with the one you love, or it'll lead to arguments and disaster.

God bless,

Ikaika Mossman