Dating: Argument leads to Disaster

A buddy of mine, whom I'll call Oyster Shot, just found out some pretty hairy news the other night...

He and his girlfriend has been together for the last five years or so and they have five kids (lol...one for every year together). Their relationship has been well over the years, of course as in any dating relationship, they have their ups and downs. You know the argument here, an argument there, and the make ups and love hugs in between, etc.

As I go in to see him, having lunch at the place he works, he tells me and my friend the current events, though it's more like current distress, of his life.

His girlfriend, pretty much wife, of their five kids got a little worse for wear at a bar with a guy who wasn't him...ouch, to make matters worse, this "Man" takes her home - his home (talk about taking advantage). So were talking and fills us in on a little more details, of course it's just his side, but in no real way was he in the wrong for what had happened.

They're not really talking now, because he's deciding what to do next, but wow...this in a way started just from an argument.

I feel really bad for my friend, because it's a hell of a thing to be betrayed like that by somebody you love, care for, and have plans to spend the rest of your life with. It rips at the heart, makes one often feel that life is no longer worth living - but that's just a feeling of course, not something to act upon.

I've been in arguments before, heck we all have. I don't think it's healthy to be in a relationship where you never argue or get into disagreements in at least once in awhile. But it's not something where you should leave the situation to just make matters worse.

When your with someone, whether dating, boyfriend, girlfriend, or married to, you don't try to get them back. Revenge normally will just lead to disaster for any relationship. Honestly, I wouldn't even call that revenge, because arguments are just two people who don't see eye to eye on a particular subject and get angry about it, or often in my case it would be because I was a little blind to see something and ended up hurting the other persons feelings because of it...so I guess that would be more like ignorance.

When you get into an "altercation" don't shove your view down his or her mouth. Remember that the relationship is a place of security for both of you, not a place to beat each other up and abuse (easier said then done at times, I know).

If it gets bad enough, where your not getting anywhere, just step back for a bit. Try a little harder to see their point. Often we won't see their point at first for the simple fact that were not open to what they have to say, you're just stuck on the "I'm right no matter what that ***** has to say" mode. If either of you get stuck there, it's time to end the conversation and take a breather. Go for a walk, talk to some honest and trustworthy friends, heck get a drink with a good friend if you absolutely must (not of the opposite sex if it can be helped...and don't have more than two drinks). I don't recommend the drinking part when your mad though, nothing good ever comes out of drinking while angry.

In my friends case, his girlfriend went to drink with a "friend," and that just led to complete disaster.

Be wise and thoughtful in the decisions you make. They'll either lead to a healthy lasting relationship with the one you love, or it'll lead to arguments and disaster.

God bless,

Ikaika Mossman

Looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right

Now how many of us have never read, heard, of thought those same words to ourselves. It does not matter whether your single, dating, or a self-mutilator. Everyone wants that right person for themselves, we want the best...and by golly, the American capitalist society says we deserve the best!

However...do we really? It's not bad that everyone wants the right guy or girl for their life, but if everyone wants that and nobody is willing to put in the work to become just that, how realistic is this selfish idea of "I want the best," or "I deserve that person"? It's not realistic at all.

We want, that's a given, but how are you challenging yourself to be the best person for someone else? What have you sacrificed - put your time and energy into?

Have you sacrificed for a beneficial financial future? Learned a trade, gone to school, or at least tried different venues of making money that will put food on the table for your family, a roof over your heads, and some stable transportation?

You want someone who is financially stable, but do you at least have a steady income? You want someone who's lean and well built, what about yourself?

The whole point is to check yourself so you're not so darn selfish (and not full of double-standards). You'll weaken and eventually destroy a relationship with that type of mentality. The relationship that you want is one that will bring out the best in not just yourself, but in the other person as well.

As I stated in my last post. Don't just go for the first beautiful thing to "swing" your way. Instead allow yourself the time to at least be solid on the path of becoming Mr. or Mrs. Right...you don't have to be it right away, that takes time and effort.

This way, when you're at least looking for someone you can love to share the rest of your life with, you'll both bring your best to the table...no one's perfect, but trying to prepare for the part will surely make a difference when you meet (or meet again even...lol, who knows).

Become Mr. or Mrs. Right, and it'll be easier for you to find, or recognize, who'll fit well for your other half.

Make the effort,

Ikaika Mossman

Comments on life love and relationships

If your going to leave a comment on my blog about life love and dating relationships. Have the courtesy and common sense to at least keep your comments to something pertaining to what I'm blogging on. Don't think that leaving a "keep up the good work" on my life love and relationships kind of blog, and then after your one liner leave a whole page of your own marketing bs will fly. Cause I'll just delete it.

Life Love and Relationships

Earlier this evening I read something interesting. Everyone wants to be with someone who'll not only love them for who they are, but be wholly committed, faithful, honest, and true to them. It's not suprising that these are strong desires to seek in another person when it's about love (not suprising in a lot of decent friendships really - love is defined and truly shown through a person of good character).

That probably is not suprising. However, what was suprising is that often because of impatience, the easiness of a "quick-bite" people will go for whatever comes their way first. Easiest catch I suppose it could also be said. It is the relationship that is momentarily satif ying, but ultimately dead and empty. Really it is the "American" way - to have a desire instatly satisfied.

Now I know that may not be entirely true, but too often it is, and too often we ourselves are victimized by this evolving and rapidly transmitted social-psycho brainwashing. We look around and see happy couples, not so happy couples, domestic violence couples, and think that we need to jump on that band wagon of love and relationships.

...But that is not the way to go.

A while back I watched a movie that brought up the 20/80 rule. When I first heard and learned this rule it was about money. That eighty percent of the worlds money is contrlolled by twenty percent of the population - top twenty percent if you will. After seeing the movie and commenting it with a friend of mine from San Diego (Thanks Linlin), I learned that his rule make actually also apply to relationships as well.

That perhaps only twenty percent of the male or female you meet have eighty percent of what you are looking for in a person to spend your life with. But so often we'll go for the other eighty percent just because they're there, and it seems like they got what you want. In the end however, it was all just an illusion. A figment of your "desiring blind" imagination.

Know what you want in a person, but also be a person that is also desireable. We can't change other people, but we can change ourselves. Know what you desire, or you'll fall for anyone. Even if she's not what you really want in a person, you may endup going head over heels without thinking that would happen. Be careful, because if you do that, you'll only be setting yourself up for a heartbreak.

It's good to be picky, but not be too picky. I've learned to see people for who they are a little bit more than what they look like. Seeing and being apart of someone's life, at the heart of life, is magnificent and truly wondrous. Make sure you share that with someone you know you want to grow old with. It will make that life long loving relationship truly wonderful and blessed.

Don't just go for anyone,

Ikaika Mossman